Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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