My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
