i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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