Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
