Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
