I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize