Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
