Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
