hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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