Did you just see the Batmobile???
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
