sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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