And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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