I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
