brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
