can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
