I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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