mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
