i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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