if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
