ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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