its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ladies don't puke and tell
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
