how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
