Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
