I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
