Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
