Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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