I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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