too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
