Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
