I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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