I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
