p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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