He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
