Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
