So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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