Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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