hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
