Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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