He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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