just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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