I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize