At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
