It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
