i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
