I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
