he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
