I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
