i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you never un-have a 4some
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
