repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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