do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
