Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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