careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
