Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
