I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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