does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize