id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
