listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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