im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize