i barfeds in our rink
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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