Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
