do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
