If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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