very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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