Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize