i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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