There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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