we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
