There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
last night I used snow as a chaser
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
