My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
