umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
