I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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