So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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