He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
