return my video game
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
